Mighty Max – the kid who never sleeps.

I’ll never forget sharing with anyone and everyone who would listen that my then, 3 month old baby, was sleeping through the night.  Zero sleep training, or bedtime routine.  Our sweet Max would nod off as soon as the clock striked 6:30pm and would not wake until 5:30am the next morning.  There is something to be said about your self-worth as a parent when your kid is doing something “by the books”.  It feels good! As a parent you genuinely feel like you, whether you have anything to really do with it or not, have conquered a particular stage of raising little ones – and it feels damn good to have at least one factor of your day go smoothly, without struggle.

What if I told you, that the sweet stage of my 12 week old sleeping through the night lasted about 8 more weeks? And for the past 2 1/2 years Max has never made bedtime easy again.  Before the age of one I would use every excuse in the book to try to cope with him not sleeping.  “He must be going through a growth spurt, he had shots today, oh! he is teething!, he is just attached.” The excuses could stretch as far as I could pull my excess stomach skin from growing him.

Let’s fast forward to now.  I’ll let you skip all of the chatter about the tears, arguing, and pure exhaustion that the hubs and I have gone through the past two years trying to figure it all out.

Some nights, we strike gold.  And after fighting bedtime for 90 minutes or so, he’ll cave in and sleep.

For about 45 minutes until he is up screaming again.

Every night he ends up in our bed, because after two years of playing this bedtime game with him has left us so worn out, all we want is sleep.

We have tried sleep training, noise machines, and even took the plunge into melatonin gummies.  NONE of which work — The melatonin gummies worked for getting him to sleep.  Like clockwork he would be soundly asleep in 45 minutes.  Alas, to only waken an hour or so later.  His pediatrician just thinks that he is wired to want to be around his brothers – keep up with everyone else.  That he knows that we are all still downstairs doing our own thing, and he wants to be a part of it.   And as much as I love that kid, you know I do.  I want space.

I want a night without pure anxiety building up to bedtime.  I want to read him a book, kiss him goodnight and tuck him in without him wrestling me.  I want bedtime to be relaxing, not full of tears and ultimately facing caving in and bringing him into my room by 11:00 – because if we didn’t, I do not think we could function during the day.

I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THIS, my loves.

The days are long, like, really long.  When you are balancing work, house chores, finances, cleaning, cooking, homework, sports …

You get it.

It is a lot.

At some point, each one of your kids will defy everything and anything you thought would run smoothly on your parenting train.

Make you second guess every decision you’ve made, and every piece of advice you’ve ever been given.

Just know this …

You do not have to make excuses like I did for months for Max.  Sometimes, it is the way it is – and this phase, while it sucks, is a phase, and it shall pass too.

Find comfort in friends who listen, family who understands, and know that even when you feel SO freaking alone during these periods, there are SO many moms/dads going through the same thing.  Most people are not like me, an open book – no one wants to talk about the things they struggle over with their kiddos.  Heck, then they feel like everyone will judge them.

I’m here to tell you, this is a judgement free zone.

This blog is a space to talk – to find community.  To not feel judged, or questioned about your choices.

A place to feel inspired, connected and loved.  A place to laugh, and relate too.

We are all doing our best.  Our kids will challenge us for years to come.  And if we cannot be open and honest about it all, the gap between relating to other parents will grow so deep the only thing we will see are the pretty filtered pictures on social media – that leave us feeling like everyone else has it all together.

NO ONE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER, my loves.

And that, that my friends, is OKAY.

xoxo, Abby