It is 7:30pm. Most parents are in the beginning stages of getting their kids ready for bed. Each and every routine is different, and as I am typing this out (which is the same as saying it out loud) crapola I wish I had a magic routine for our evenings. Some first time parents, or parents who are amazing have this “written in stone routine”. You know ‘ the bath, reading, bottle, bedtime. Usually, once another sibling is in the picture the bedtime routine is cut in half, or at least compromised. This is when the struggle gets real, when there is more than one. We all give our best attempt at wrangling all of the kids together to fulfill the bedtime routine you so cherished slowly but surely diminishes to brushing teeth and a kiss goodnight.
We were those parents with Brody. Bedtime was a sweet time and it lingered in the most sensational and organized manner. He rolled over, went to bed, and the hubs and I gave each other a swift high-five and scurried downstairs. Owen came along, and I nursed him. He was a babe who stayed wide awake until 11:00pm, nursed every 2-3 hours through the night and by a few months in my energy level was zapped. Somehow, we kept up with the bedtime routine once Owen grew a bit older to understand it. Books got swapped out for a simple song I would sing, and still to this day, that little tune gets song when asked, and of course a big smooch on the lips. I always try to tell them how good they are, how much they are loved and how proud I am of them.
But can I be SO beyond honest with you guys?
Lately, I’ve been failing miserably at bedtime. #momfail #isuck #isitbedtimeyet is the stage we are in. Max (i love you) is an awful sleeper – in the strangest of ways. EACH AND EVERYDAY is different. I think we screwed him over with having two brothers in school, both on different schedules. So he spends a lot of time in the car — where he will catch 3 twenty-minute sessions during the car pool lane and the second we pull back into the driveway he is wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. He is beyond ready for bed by 6:00pm. It has become his time — and some (aka most) nights it will take 3-4 times (up to 30 minutes) of going in and out of the room shushing him to sleep. He is going through that delightful stage of screaming at the top of his lungs when he catches your shadow leaving the room. So I duck down by his crib, shush until I am out of breath and crawl out of his room. It is ridiculous. Some nights we get super lucky and he will knock out after his bottle on a day he decided napping was for the birds.
So – where am I going with this?
Oh yeah, I suck.
By the time Max goes to bed and we do the “please go back to sleep” dance I just want to sit down and unwind. Only to realize I have two insanely energetic brothers wanting to spend one on one time and get their sillys out before bed. I pull up my big girl pants and muster up try to hang the best I can. By 8:00 they are in bed. And it goes from these chaotic moments of “get the heck to bed guys!” to me smooching their cheeks and singing their tune. Somewhere between the hectic mommy meltdown of wanting the day to be over, and tucking those boys into bed, my heart melts. I feel bad for being so overwhelmed and exhausted and I try to let that moment linger for a second.
UGH.
Parenthood.
I am hoping that we turn a corner here over the next month with Max sleeping better at night. Because this mommy zombie look is just ridiculous. And let us not forget I have a blog to run. I feel so defeated sometimes as a mom. Because I literally do it all during the day – and when I do get a second at night to do something for me, or for work, I just want to zone out and watch reality television with a glass of wine. Am I the only one? Do any other parents feel like you do everything all day long, and by the night-time you are completely dry?
I seriously came downstairs this morning and moaned out loud. Dan said “what babe?” and I went on to say that the house was spotless by dinner yesterday, and by the time I woke up there were 3 more loads of laundry and a pile of dishes from dinner and the entire first floor to reclean from evening play. I made a pathetic pouty face and grunted my way to making lunches and breakfast.
Most days feel like groundhogs day.
And I know I’ll miss these crazy-energy sucking-zombie mom days. Trust me, I already find myself missing the days of when Brody + O were little(r).
SO, let’s make a deal! If we see each other in public can we just give each other a high-five? And if each others kids are acting like a bunch of assholes in the store can we just smile and nod to one another. Because we all know we are just counting down the hours to bedtime, and just because it is bedtime does not mean it will come easy. Bedtime can bring on hours of challenges, only to be woken up multiple times through the night.
We all know how madly-truly-deeply we love our exhausting kids.
They are the reason I have not washed my hair since last weekend (yes, you read the right) and they are the reason why I am getting choked up just thinking about how much I love them.
Dammit kids, you win.